Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
