i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
