i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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