Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
