i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
