maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
