I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
