I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
