the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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