Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
