Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
