I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
