im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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