Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
