We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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