dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
