Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
