Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
