had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
