is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
