i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
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You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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