Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
