My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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