you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
