Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize