Define "chronic" masturbator.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize