That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
