careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
