the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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