No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize