Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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