Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
