i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you told grandpa to call you daddy
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
