Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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