Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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