The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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