i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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