God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
