I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Randomize
