It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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