my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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