I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
