You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
