Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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