Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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