how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
