yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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