Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
