i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
