The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he puts the penis in happiness.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
