Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My vagina is officially offended.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
