Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
