so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
