can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize