your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
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Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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