i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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