dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
