i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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