matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
