So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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