the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You're like the curious george of whores
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
