Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
...so i touched it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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