Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
