it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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