It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
