my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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